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Academy Awards


Finally, I have a better understanding of global warming.  Academy awards, congressional hearings and a mountain of written information have allowed me to see the light but it must be a CFL.  (Compact fluorescent light)  You know CFL is the replacement bulb for regular light bulbs and they only cost 4 times as much as incandescent bulbs. 

New terms have emerged because of the global warming scare and one should be cognizant of the definitions for these terms prior to engaging in any attempt at logical conversation.  The terms in question are Carbon neutrality defined as purchasing something called a Carbon Offset.  Basically, if you produce too much carbon in the atmosphere through driving, flying, using too much power at home or the office you can soothe your troubled mind by giving money to one of several companies in business to sell you a carbon offset.  Your money supposedly goes to projects creating power through non-carbon producing processes. 

I encourage everyone to investigate the motive behind global warming by visiting websites such as www.terrapass.com where you will be offered the opportunity to pay for the privilege of seeking carbon neutrality.  For example, you can enter your zip code and a little information about your power bills or your vehicle and you are quoted a carbon-offset fee.  I entered my power bill totals for the past month and as a result can receive a Terra Pass for one year for only $149.70.  For only $80.00, I receive a decal for my vehicle and have the opportunity to feel good about driving again.    Frankly, whoever is behind this website has my admiration.  Anyone who can pull this off has to be brilliant.  It remains to be seen if the American people will act like sheep running to the slaughter but I would wager these organizations would be extremely successful.

Does it seem a little strange we are requested to pay fees to allow us to abuse natural resources such as natural gas and petroleum?  I thought the purpose of reducing global warming was to reduce our dependence on these resources through conservation.  Now, we have a new industry evolving that will let me pay in advance for my sin of overindulgence.  Such a deal, I can purchase a vehicle getting 8 miles per gallon but put a decal on my window and be forgiven for my greed.

Follow the money! This ain’t brain surgery.

Terry

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After watching and listening to all of the pre announcements for the pending announcements of those choosing to run for President of the United States, I thought things could not get much worse. Wrong!! Beginning today, the 23 of January, we will be inundated by hype for the annual academy of Narcissism Awards or as they are commonly known, Academy Awards.

You know the Academy awards! These are awards voted for and given by those who write, produce, direct and star in films (motion Pictures) that we have never heard of and most likely will never see until they are released on CD and sold to 24 hour cable channels for endless broadcast.

The Academy has done it’s best to increase the audience but after all there are only a limited number of adolescent individuals in the world. Observing so called celebrities arrive on the red carpet dressed in costumes that rival the national debt of most third world countries is about as entertaining as chewing on tin foil. The punishment is only increased by interviews of Hollywood’s best and brightest who are generally only interested in getting their best profile in front of the camera. I would love to see the combined IQ of all those interviewed on the red carpet. I suspect it would rival the combined IQ of patients in a large Meth rehab unit.

Only when we think we have seen it all the actual awards take place. Oh yes, the career achievement award given to the best and brightest 32 year old bimbo in the academy. The recipient may show up in a strapless gown split completely on one side and her silicone enhanced bosom hanging out the top just in case a unique photo op might occur. The recipient for best male actor (it is not longer in vogue to use the term actress and actor) may show up wearing the worst excuse for a tuxedo in the history of man. The most talented clothing designers are employed to furnish the costumes for the Narcissism Awards. Most of the designers still believe that Blade Runner was a real look into the future and design accordingly. The only costumes that have been even more ridiculous were those worn in a movie named The Fifth Element and I fully expect to see some of the Hollywood elite show up dressed like the character portrayed by Gary Oldman in this movie.

By the end of the evening the television viewing audience will be limited to those with permanent memory loss or those who will soon suffer the same fate. It has been rumored The Narcissism Awards may be used for the treatment of mental patients. It is a non invasive treatment substituted for prefrontal lobotomies, less invasive but unfortunately a lot more painful.

A good alternative to watching the Narcissistic Awards is to find a good cable channel and watch continual reruns of the old sitcom The Real McCoys. If you do not recognize the program look it up on a search engine. Another alternative is to watch the first four hours of this year’s 24 and wonder what would happen if the radioactivity spread to Hollywood. WWJBD?.

Bubba Terry